Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you win again, gameday.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
