If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
