Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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