so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize