so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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