He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
