Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
