if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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