i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
