tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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