I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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