Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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