I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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