I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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