she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
