moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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