Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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