Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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