even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
