So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
