this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize