Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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