She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
