Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
