question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
