Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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