I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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