I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
