if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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