Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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