i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
