You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
