I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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