Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
