Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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