yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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