I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
