I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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