I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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