I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
