Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
