sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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