smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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