forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
