He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
