I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
