Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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