it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
