Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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