Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
