think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
