Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
