was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
where are my eyebrows?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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