dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
