im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
