Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
