If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
