I need help removing her.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
