Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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