my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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