If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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