I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
