Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
