It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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