And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
