i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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