Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
