My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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