One girl and one boy is just not enough.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
