Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
too bad you live with your parents still
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
