When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have feelings that need drinking.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
