Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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